I'm Moving House to Typepad!!

Okay, check it out and change your links: I am moving this blog to Typepad.com.

For your edification, the link is http://writtenwyrdd.typepad.com/

Maybe now I can blog anytime, anyplace. You know where I mean, lol.

Too bad I cannot still read blogspot blogs. *frowns in a pissed-off manner*

Cool Site - Improbable Research

Ever hear of the Ig Nobel Prize? It's a spoof of the Nobel, toasting odd scientific enquiries, some of which appear in the group's magazine, Improbable Research.

Lots of odd ideas in this rag. I think I'm going to subscribe... It's $39 a year. And they have a blog, too, but don't go there, it's a bunch of adverts. Kinda cheapskate, if you ask me.

Autumn goodness

Mom, His Pugness and I took a road trip last weekend to catch the rather muted Autumn colors. This is Smyrna, Maine.

His Pugness:


It's hard to get a good, spontaneous shot of a 19-pound dog, so I gave up.

Funnier than Hell!

Okay, the kid in the You Tube videos in that earlier post was funny. But this woman's Ebay ad is hilarious. Thanks to Rashenbo for the link. ROFLMAO. She has six kids and went grocery shopping. She ought to become the next Erma Bombeck.

Turns out, with a little blog hopping, I learned a couple of things. Dawn of the Ebay post is a blogger and an agented writer, too. No wonder she's so damned funny! And her blog Because I Said So is amusing too. I especially liked the kid pic.

Humor - How to be English

This is an amusing little time waster. The kid's got a bunch more, too.

The Writing Process

Sometimes you will see writing advice that instructs to turn off the critic while you write. I can't do that. As a result most often my first drafts are pretty much the only drafts I do, because I will not move on until my narrative is where I want it to be. I think it saves me a great deal of time, as I don't redraft the same thing 8-10 times. The side effect of this method is when I'm finished with something, just looking at it makes me want to vomit. Ilona Andrews

One of my new favorite places to read is League of Reluctant Adults, a blog by five fantasy writers, including Stacia Kane/December Quinn. Funny and to-the-point insights about the writing process. I particularly liked Ilona's comments in the post from which I quoted. Hah! That could be me, except I keep jumping to another project before I get the sick-unto-death feeling going.

Humor - Why Women Are Superior

From a humorous email. Origin unattributed.

Behind every successful woman is herself. (Because most men still think helping around the house is taking the trash out once a week.)

A woman is like a tea bag...You don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. (They don't ask for directions, either.)

Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better RICH. (I want this bumper sticker.)

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun. (This is soooo me!)

Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Wow, It's Been Fourteen Months!

Reading Pat's blog where she mentions her one year anniversary of blogging, I came to realize that I've been blogging since August 7, 2006.

Funny, it doesn't seem like it's been so long. I guess time does fly when you have fun. Still pedantic, still blogging. Whaddayou know?

Overlooking the obvious

Bernita mentions in a recent post about finding the flaws in your writing. Which got me to thinking, as her posts usually do. I also found, after drafting this post, that Kate Thornton had recently been thinking about the same topic here.

We writers all know that getting that rough or later draft down on paper or in a Word file isn't the final hurdle to leap. We next have to polish and edit and examine. A lot. Which makes it quite easy to overlook the annoyances that bug or turn off readers. Things which can invalidate your authorial status and degrade the readers' trust.

So, what, if anything, can you do for yourself in order to prevent such silly things as, for example, have a character who already died reappear (and who is not, as one of Bernita's commenters mentions, a zombie)?

There are a few simple things you can do, and they can depend on how the example problem occurred. Is the character originally written to live through the book, and you changed your mind? Or were just not thinking?

Because the first thing you can do when you make a change such as killing off a character is make a list of major changes. Then you can remind yourself what you did later on.

Another thing is the so-important critique reader, or beta reader. This person (whom you now owe your firstborn for this service) is invaluable. He or she can point out the logic flaws, glaring errors, and comment upon your grammatical tendencies. Et cetera.

But your primary and foremost defense against the idiotic oversights that can really annoy your readers is repeated edits.

And by repeated edits I mean literally repeated edits. Go thorough your book (in sections if you prefer) and check-- separately-- for varying issues. Issues such as grammar, plot, character growth, out of place things (anachronisms), structural issues (stuff to cut, etc.). This procedure is recommended in one of my favorite writing books, You Can Write A Novel by James V. Smith, Jr. Just check out the Appendix on page 131 for the author's list of things to check on. He calls these 41 things his Cardinal Rules, and many pertain to edits. And he recommends these edits separately so you do not lose focus and miss something. Which is a big drain in energy but seems worthwhile.

One thing that I like the sound of, but which I have never tried, is something I read that another blogger (possibly December Quinn) does: She plots out every character after she's done, double checking to see if it is done properly, with no logic holes or problems.

Cool Site for Art Lovers

I ran across this site, an artist on Etsy who sells some really cool bird art. She calls herself The Bird Nerd, and I really like her work. I don't know anything about her, but she's got the sort of work that makes me say, I wish I thought of that. Which means I like it a lot.

Mindsets

This is an op ed article from the NY Times that I wanted to cheer when I read it.

It also gave me a some ideas for how to treat a society driven paranoid by a disaster.

Hey, the car shop has wireless!

I'm sitting here at the car dealer ALL DAY to get a serpentine belt, thermostat, service, check on my transmission and new tires. Don't think of the over-a-thousand-dollars expense about to slap me in the face; instead, be joyous that they now have wireless! Whee! I am goofing off on the internet instead of writing like I usually do while waiting.

Shameless flogging

I have to do a shameless plug for my friend Tracy. She's an herbalist and a pagan living in Massachusetts. They live right on a lake! I am so jealous! I get to see her in a couple of weeks when I go back to Mass. to visit my old friends, which is what made me realize I ought to shamelessly flog her site.

Disease & Your Stories

There's always some problem that must be solved in a story, and in speculative fiction, it can be really strange. How about a mutation or new sort of parasite that can kill you? It's certainly plausible, as this sad article describes, to die from an amoeba infection by a (pardon the pun) fluke.

So, given a radical new way to die, what can we do with it?

A number of possibilities come to mind.

First off, you have the classic "parent protecting the child who is ill" tale.

Or the old trope where alien invasion is preceded or accomplished by parasites. Your mileage may vary on this one, but its been particularly fruitful for screenplays or teleplays.

And the reversal, the old Mars Attacks! idea, where we turn the tables and it's a little ol' Earth bug or small thing which is the aliens' Achilles Heel. Instead of playing Slim Pickins' yodeling to explode their oversized heads, you could have the simple common cold do them in. Or perhaps they are susceptible to fungus.

Then there is the ecological horror story where we might bring something back from space. Again, big in tele- or screenplays.

So many possibilities, so little time. Probably most of them are more geared toward horror, which isn't my bag, but you really could explore the social upheaval, the personal costs, the tragedies that cause a space colony to fail, etc. Quite a fertile field to plow, really.

But the most horror-filled bit I can think of is the scenario in the actual news story. A disease that fewer than ten people have died of striking your family? Killing your child?

That's unimaginably horrifying. My sympathies to the poor family.

(And did I mention my fear of parasites? I may never be able to swim in our lakes up here again. *shudders*)

An intriguing-sounding read...

I was blog hopping again and read a book review at Book Cannibal about Gun With Occasional Music, by Jonathan Lethem.

It sounds, based on Book Cannibal's description, rather like a utopian-on-the-surface version of Brave New World or 1984. At any rate, it is probably selling as literary, but sounds delightfully spec fic to me.

I have just ordered it.

Worldbuilding Thoughts worth thinking

Epic fantasies usually begin in medias res, in the middle of things. Consider, for example, how much history comes before we meet Frodo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings, and I'm not just talking about its prequel, The Hobbit. The Silmarillion will give you a better idea. In this eon-long context, the One Ring can be seen as merely a loose end that must be tidies up before it and its master can destroy all of Middle-earth, smashing sundry lives in the process including those of various innocent hobbits.

This pattern runs through much of modern fantasy. The past is a looming shadow that shapes the present and threatens the future. Characters thus totter between light and dark, between simple, everyday life and cosmic destruction, on a scale that sometimes boggles the mind even of their creator. P.C. Hodgell, the introduction to Blood & Ivory

P.C. Hodgell is one of my all-time favorite fantasists. She wrote God Stalk, which is not so well known but which is in my top three favorite books of all time list. Go read it and the sequels if you want to read something truly unique. Her world is not a Tolkein deriviative; it's fresh, new, fascinating.

And what she has to say about the looming history of an epic fantasy is so true. I've always had the sense of this, but hadn't ever put it so well.

And you can find information on Professor Hodgell here.

Strange Shopping

With every shopping season comes new opportunities in which to buy strange gifts for friends and family.

I don't know about you guys, but I think that a remote-controlled tarantula is, well, creepy. Eck. Nothing creeps me out more than watching how a tarantula walks. But you can buy them from National Geographic here.

To quote the catalog, "because their eight legs move separately, be prepared for screams when one scuttles realistically from beneath the table." Uh-hmmm. Just what I want with my breakfast coffee...

Realistically crawly tarantula robot: $48. Screams of terror from your loved ones: Priceless.

However, I can think of a couple of story ideas from this one...

I hit a bat!

Okay, news of the slightly off kilter: I ran into a bat tonight on the way home from work. Bang! Smack into the windshield. And I smacked a young robin a couple of months ago. I checked; there isn't a big target on the glass. So wth is going on with this one? I mean, a bat???

Techniques of Understanding

Finding inspiration and ideas.
I got to thinking: What is my process for coming up with ideas? I am a veritable fount of the damn things, to tell the truth. Good, bad or indifferent, if you want an idea, I can usually come up with stuff, given a few moments and something to riff from. [It's that whole follow through thing that is problematic!] Because, to me, ideas litter the ground around us, just waiting for us to notice. Or maybe it's more like Whack-A-Mole... What really gets me is that at least a couple of times a year, some movie or tv show comes out and it's like, hey, I thought of just that thing! Which, if I'd have written it could have made me millions. Yeah, likely, I know.

Just goes to show, though: Ideas are the easy part for me. But I gather to some others it isn't that easy. I suspect it is just my 'take brain out and play with it' mentality, the product of being a dreadfully shy and imaginative child who hid away from the world as much as possible. I learned to entertain myself by looking at things from varying directions and asking What If? a lot.

Ask questions and you always get answers.
That's the first rule of getting an idea. Ask "What if?" or "Why?" or some other question. You'll always get some kind of answer. Sometimes, you get snippets or an idea that is a jump off point, things that you know have meat and bone, but which you do not yet understand. It might be the way the garbage man moves, or the smell; it might be the young man slumping down the street, his slouched slacker posture, the mussed and worn-yesterday-and-likely-the-day-before's garments, the skateboard under his arm combined with a wallet with a chain in his rear pocket, or the fact that his rumpled clothing consists of a suit vest over a Black Sabbath tee shirt and Dockers. Why does the kid dress like that? Or, What if he is wearing those clothes because he had blood all over his own?

Sometimes, if you're really lucky, you get an epiphany, an Athena leaping full blown from your skull. Usually it's a knot of potential you must tease into a story thread.

But you always get something. Always. Just keep asking.

The important thing is to recognize your muse when she arrives.
This is often subtle. Like learning to understand your toddler's botched speech, it takes practice, too. Look at what is around you. What are you experiencing? Maybe you see a woman on a park bench, feeding sandwich crust to birds. Ask yourself Why the woman is feeding pigeons part of her sandwich? Is it because she is upset because she caught her husband cheating? Is she anorexic and needs to hide her lack of intake, the birds are convenient garbage disposals? Is it that she's contemplating suicide? Or has she more concern for a sick pigeon whom she's been nursing back to health? Perhaps she is feeding the birds poisoned food because she's pathologically convinced that they are part of an alien collective which is trying to take over mankind?

See what I mean? There are always ideas. Just ask the questions. And listen to the answers, too, of course.

Cats and Writing

This is the oversharing bit.
Old Cat goes to the vet today. Since I made the appointment, he's rallied remarkably, not even projectile puking once yesterday. I think it's the old, make an appointment get better syndrome.

He might last a while longer at this rate, which is good and bad. He's my buddy, but the waiting for the other shoe to drop is hard!

And Miss Whizzer? Still pissing. I have to get her meds today at the vet and try that. Apparently there's a med I can crush and mix with butter or her food. But I seriously draw the line at a cat box in my bedroom. Ech. Too bad I don't have two bathrooms, then I could put her in one of them while I'm at work!

And this is the bit on writing.
I got an interesting story idea this morning. I was intrigued when I was reminded of that scene where Marilyn Monroe's skirt is blown upwards by a vent-- the Seven Year Itch scene? I know you all know this one; it's classic. Anyhow, I was watching VH1 80s videos and saw that move copied, which made me think of Marilyn. I considered her considerable on-screen sexuality and the morass of her personal life, which led to her untimely and unhappy end. The whole Bobby-and-John triangle came to mind, as well as the rumors that she was dating both guys at once-- just before she died. The rumors that her death wasn't an accident, that Bobby had been there that day, maybe to give her John's final goodbye. No one knows, but rumor expounds on possibilities, not facts.

So from there I started to picture the dynamic of a really twisted triangle: Guy 1 has a Gorgeous and Powerful Girlfriend with fatal flaws of self-destruction and poor sense of self worth. Guy One passes Powerful Girlfriend to Guy 2, his croney or relative, when she becomes too attached and thus bothersome to his Political Image [Think "the Happy Birthday, Mr. President" thing]. She loves Guy One with all her self-destructive might. She cleaves to Guy Two in order to keep in Guy One's circle of light, as it were; and she continues to see him when it is convenient for the Guy Duo. She's feeding her own scenario of lack-of-self-worth. She's spiralling downwards and relying on outside props (drugs? alcohol?) to keep herself going. Tragic ending ensues.

Now there's a dramatic story kernel. And you can adapt it to so many situations. You can swap genders. You can remove the sex. It's really a dynamic of power.

And here's part of another screen that I found at either the D'Orsay or the Guime museum. It had about ten huge panels, and was full of cranes. The black laquer made the shot a little glarey.

This is for Bernita...

... who has a thing for screens.


From the Guimee Museum in Paris.

Now I'm having connection problems!

Well, besides not being able to blog in the dull moments at work, now I can't blog from home, because the connection keeps dropping! Earthlink insists it isn't them, but my speed is down to a consistent 54.0 mpbs, and I drop the connection every couple of minutes, and can only get it back five or more minutes later.

No on line gaming for me this week!

And I haven't been writing, I've been torturing my Sims because I bought the Sims 2 Seasons and Sims 2 Bon Voyage...

Dinosaur saddles and other nonsense

There are so many things in the news to provide me with story ideas, but this one just plain cracked me up. I don't know how I can use saddles for dinosaurs, but I'll have to add it to the snippets file for future reference.

The creation scientists just provide me with endless fodder for the absurd...

A 90th birthday and touchstones

I local gentleman whom I see on a daily basis just turned 90 today. He's one of the few surviving pilots from the Second World War, Korean and Vietnam wars. What a fount of lore that man is! And from the twinkle in his eyes and his tendency to be a devil-may-care bad boy even at 90, I can see he must have been a rather dashing fellow in his youth.

Can you imagine being 90 years old? Of seeing the amount of changes in the world within your lifetime?

Considering that I learned to use a slide rule in high school math, but a couple of years later got to use a TI30 calculator (which I still own in its original fake denim plastic case with belt loop, retail around $79 bucks)... Technology in my own middle-aged view has had tremendous, asymptotic growth, creating tremendous, unimaginable changes from then to now in our daily lives.

And how has society coped with these stresses that change has brought us? For one thing, our economy is addicted to creating tthe next, new useless but nifty thing. We are now a service economy rather than a production ecomony. And we rely on diminishing resources for excessive production of throw away merchandise that cannot be repaired. Instead of fixing one piece, we pull and toss an entire chunk. Black box mind set.

And what does this have to do with writing?
It's all in the mind set. Our technology and just-in-time production philosophies completely ignores the ecological cost of shipping things from halfway around the world because it's cheaper. Etcetera. Big whopping things we overlook. Things which cause problems.

In our fictional worlds, the economic patterns, social patterns, expectations of individuals regarding job retention, retirement, caretaking by society (or lack theref) are all influenced by the technology in use. And let us not forget that just the massive changes cause stresses and fissures in cultural icons and collectives.

What you could call this is the fault lines of the soul: those places where the human cogs in the machine of society are not capable of handling the stress of all the changes.

I think of my elderly acquaintance reaching 90, of his having actual ice boxes and mule drawn carts and helping store ice as his family cut it on the lake in the winter for shipping South in the summer years. He's seen a remarkable amount of change since 1917. All the comfortable touchstones of his youth have become obsolete, quaint, or forgotten to today's high school child.

Now, ask yourself: In your fictional worlds, what things do the elders of your population find to be new? And how do they react to them? Are they proponents or opponents?

It's these little bits , these questions, which you have to think about and consider.

You just might get a really groovy character out of it, too.

Happy writing!

Hyphens and the OED

Just read an article about hyphens. The Oxford English Dictionary (short version) has removed the hyphen from a number of words. Article here.

In other news...
Old Cat is very sick. This was sudden, considering he has been utterly perky and his old self. We're back to the vet in a couple of days to decide what's the best thing to do for him...

Characters & Moral Courage

A while back I mentioned something about moral courage and stated my opinion that moral courage is the most difficult type. Because it has consequences that are generally obvious and long lasting. For example, there is this gentleman, who took responsibility for an act that caused the death of another.

How this relates to Characters.
We need our characters to have something at stake to add impact to our story. Otherwise, it's terribly literary but not particularly interesting.

Like I said in my earlier post, physical courage (such as reacting in an emergency or because you are the only person who can) is different than standing out against the crowd. Humans are herd animals, after all; and it is difficult to be the first to step forward. Moral courage is the most difficult one to find within yourself. Because moral courage is present exactly when you do stand against a crowd.

Conflict.
So you can see how a character's choice to go against the grain, against the group will, can be the crux of the whole conflict in your story, as well as adding to it.

What is interesting to me is how many epic fantasies do just this. Frequently, however, the hero(s) are going against an Evil Overlord or a society that has somehow got it wrong. This is particularly common in the 'save the world from ultimate evil' sagas, because the evil government has control already. And the danger is frequently not only from the governments and the governmental lackeys such as the military and police, but also the citizenry, who are likely to turn them in. Sympathizers may be spies or traitors. Etc.

Just my thoughts on the matter. Yours?

Cool Site - Truth Out

Via Tantalus Prime's very interesting blog, I found Truth Out, an admitted left-wing ecological site. Lots of interesting info. In particular, this post on biofuel. Also, another blog on the link-clicking highway, Angry Lab Rat.

If you are writing fantasy or just need some ideas for a problem upon which to base your thriller, futuristic or otherwise, this site has some great idea-making articles.

Happy writing! And don't forget to credit me in the acknowledgements, lol.

Fall is coming!

Wow, out mowing and there are already leaves falling on the lawn. Three hard frosts this past week. Autumn is nigh.

On a slightly sour note, Miss Pissy Kitty (aka The Cuteness) went to the doc today and got x-rayed and had more blood work. If there is nothing physical, then we try kitty Prozac or Valium. I am so looking forward to that daily circus. Like I have so much free time in the mornings. Besides, there is just something so wrong about chasing a cat around the house, banging on the bed to scare her out from under it, and chasing her into the bathroom where I can corner her...to dose her with a tranquilizer.

If that's not ironic and counterproductive, I don't know what is. I've always said that if I had to give her daily meds on a long-term basis, the stress on her would be cruel and I'd put her down instead. Let's hope I don't have to face that decision.

She's peed on the bed four times this week. Eight last week. Seven the week before. At least it's not as bad as it had been. For now. I shan't be giving up the blue tarp decor just yet. Next thing is to try double stick tape on the tarp to keep her off the bed. Maybe that will work. Or foil. Add butter and a barbecue and you have kitty fricassee!

On the other hand, Old Dude cat has rallied remarkably since the hyperthyroid meds nearly killed him off. I'd swear there was nothing wrong with him now, he's as sassy as ever. If you've ever been owned by a cat, you'll agree: They are weird critters.

A bit slow lately

In case you are wondering why I haven't been around so much, it's because the internet at work can't seem to access blogger. I can sign on and post, but I can't surf! I can't read comments! I can't *sob* read Evil Editor or my other daily stops!

So, don't think I've abandoned you; I just don't web surf much when I get home at 8pm and have to go to be by 9pm. And I generally don't on days off.

SlashBoing - cool site for fantasy lovers

Now, with fantasy lovers and slash in the header, I am sure to get as many hits as Bernita's infamous posts. (What were those? Medieval Porn and something else, which I forget... Ooops! Now I've gone and done it! lol.)

Slash Boing, however, is a site that is primarily interested in fantasy. It's run by a guy calling himself Dr. Haggis, who seems preternaturally focused on steam punk, as well. Also, he's Canadian. For what it's worth.

However, the reason for this blog post is because of this post on the 'dark side of phrenology'. Check out the photo! I am ROLFMAO-ing, sure as anything.

The elephant in the room

The American people may look like they don't know what's going on half the time, and they may spend too much time picking out different-colored covers for their cell phones, but when push comes to shove, they'll rise to the occasion and be there for what is right. Michael Moore, "Dude, Where's My Country?"

I like that quote above. I'm not entirely sure I believe it, because my cynicism is likely boundless unlike (surprize!) Mr. Moore's; but it made me smile to read his sentiment. He's talking here about the reaction when a librarian overheard him on the phone to his publisher about "Stupid White Men," which was not going to be shipped after 9/11 occurred. This librarian began a letter writing campaign that got the book out a couple of weeks later. (And it's in its 52nd or later printing now.)

After reading that story of the angry librarians and their grass roots actions, I am forced to examine my own cynicism, and I have decided it is more like apathy. Too much is going on and I'm tired of that bull and don't want to deal with it. I have a stressful job that involves having to worry about stuff the average person doesn't, so I hate to bring it home with me. I hate watching the news, and I really hate how the country has become so frigging paranoid about terrorism when I see that it is doing the job the terrorists wanted in the first place: To scare us, make us react to their threats, real or imagined; to make us spend potloads of money and beggar our economy; to change into sheep.

But I guess it's way too easy to say, "What difference does it make?" and do nothing.

The truth is, any action has a consequence. Small actions may have small consequences, but they add up. You could quote the Butterfly Effect, but I would call that rather extreme; however I won't deny that long-term effects exist in the immediate surroundings for each individual. And that includes how you perceive things. Just your emotional reaction has an effect. And, basically, you are what you think. Which, in the current job that eats my life, I have conveniently forgotten to remember in the ordinary moments.

Oh, wait: To quote Dan Millman, "There are no ordinary moments." And that is so true.

What does my navel-lint-picking have to do with writing?
Well, other than the fact that the country's paranoia-- as well as the reasons for it-- piss me off and I want it to Just Go Away so I can play ostrich-- which it won't and I cannot-- I have been forcibly reminded that apathy is a force to be reckoned with. This is also something to keep in mind in your world building and in your characters. Most likely you will be confronting apathy and inertia derived from it (Why bother?) in the greater cultural or social milieux (did I pluralize that properly?)

The question to ask, though is this:
What is the elephant in the room? What is it that the people of your world are willfully ignoring? What is affecting them so greatly that they are turning away from it to seek relief from the stress it creates? What underlying threat or discomfort or worry is so great that your people tend to walk around it so they do not have to deal with it?

And this elephant can also just be ignoring the logical consequences of something that is going on. Or it can be in a relationship. We have all heard how a parent, invested in the marriage, may ignore child abuse, pretend it isn't occurring in order to hang onto the marriage. Depending on the focus of the story, though, the elephant can be in a small room (individuals affected) or a large one (Nations and worlds).

For speculative fiction, though...
The other thing to consider is that in SF and fantasy, your alien beings may be ignoring something really bizarre. Perhaps they are willfully ignorant about how children are made. Perhaps there is a cultural emphasis on matrilineal relations and men are second class citizens. It may be possible to have a culture that has women downplaying men's participation in creating children so that they can remain marginalized. Such a strange outlook provides a lot of opportunities for a writer to develop conflict and growth.

Bumper Stickers

New Bumper Stickers
Relayed via Bill Press Show http://billpressshow.com/

1. Cheney/Satan '08

2. 01/20/09: End of an Error

3. That's OK; I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway

4. Lets Fix Democracy in This Country First

5. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran!

6. Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.

7. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President

8. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant

9. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?

10. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight.

11. America : One Nation, Under Surveillance

12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It

13. Jail to the Chief

14. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?

15. Bush: God's way of proving Intelligent Design is bullshit

16. Bad President! No Banana.

17. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language

18. We're Making Enemies Faster than We Can Kill Them

19. Is It Vietnam Yet?

20. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?

21. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.

22. Impeach Cheney First

23. When Bush Took Office, Gas was $1.46

24. Pray For Impeachment

25. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century

26. What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?

27 One Nation under Clod

When is a Smeerp a Smeerp?

A cheap technique for false exoticism, in which common elements of the real world are re-named for a fantastic milieu without any real alteration in their basic nature or behavior. "Smeerps" are especially common in fantasy worlds, where people often ride exotic steeds that look and act just like horses. (Attributed to James Blish.) The Turkey City Lexicon

On Evil Editor's blog recently, there was some discussion as to whether the term 'sevenday' was a smeerp. The apparent reasoning for this label was the use of a new term for an existing item.

When it is a smeerp...
The clearest answer is, it depends. Truthfully, context is all in this case. For example, I am writing a story that could be placed in Normaltown USA in a non-fantasy setting. However, to dress it up in speculative fiction clothes, I choose to call all gas engines belchers because of the fumes they have, and the models are all familiar, such as Lincoln, Ford, Chevrolet; and dogs are all called canids, yet the breeds are still poodle, boxer, etc.

This is the use of a smeerp. No argument possible that 'belcher' and 'canid' aren't. Nothing is different except the names of some things. Of course, for demonstration purposes I have used a rather simplistic example. But if a term is used merely to make something seem exotic and for no demonstrable need in the story, it's a smeerp.

...and when it isn't.
Context really is all. What may fit the rules of smeerpness may not necessarily be a smeerp. Why? Because the needs of the fictional world may justify calling something that-- at least on the surface-- appears to be a mundane item by a fantastical name. Legitimate reasons to exist; so naysayers should be more circumspect with the label of smeerp.

Writers of SF and Fantasy create worlds of different types. The choice of how the world is created is key to the effectiveness of the story. An SFF story is set in a world that is patently NOT our 'real world' and normal things may be named abnormally. Similarly, abnormal things may be called a common name that wouldn't fit to our real world eyes. But there are reasons and so-called rules for such worldbuilding choices. Below is my take on the smeerp rule.

Rules of thumb.
1. If the use of a term doesn't fit the surrounding milieu, then it's usually a smeerp.
2. If the story's spec fic cred is being propped up by (or worse, established by) the gratuitous use of fancy names for plain things, it's a smeerp. Like any use of language when writing, it must not seem out of place and the author must be utilizing it for some purpose. Otherwise, it would be better cut.
3. The writer must indicate there is something different about the renamed thing or it is a smeerp. In other words, the reader must be shown (and this is subtle technique) that what is potentially a smeerp isn't. And this doesn't necessarily require any language surrounding the smeerpish thing; it can be the general milieu making it not a smeerp.

Specific situations.
Technology has developed differently. This is a very common device for alternate worlds. Call something by a different name. And it is perfectly justifiable-- if the usage fits the world in which it is being used. (One of EE's commenters used Philip Pullman's books as an example. Alembic for electric, etc.) It should add spice to the sauce, not be a bolted-on, after-market extra bit that calls attention to itself like too many chrome shiney bits on a pick up truck.

The progression of language. Things that are dogs may become canids because the language has changed over many generations. Dog to canine to canid makes sense in this context.

Backwards engineering. Perhaps there are no dogs but people want them? They might choose to call it something similar to the old version, but different because it really isn't a dog. Or language may have changed AND they want to change the name. But let us not forget: the author needs a purpose for the change greater than adding to the exotic scenery. To mention a canid just for window dressing might make it a smeerp in use, even if it isn't really a smeerp in concept!

In a fantasy milieu I've been working on I have used backwards engineering. A created creature that resembles a jackalope, and is referred to as a 'jallop' as well as a bunny. And it has no rabbit genetics at all, and what original creature it was has been engineered to look like a horned rabbit. The reason I used this device is part of a means to show how the ancients who did this sort of thing were in relation to their environment. Use of recognizable manipulations of nature are clues to the reader that the ancient inhabitants of this world (who came from our universe) were not to be admired. It provides clues to the reader as to the truth while the characters may be in some confusion as to that fact.

Going by the strict definition found in the Turkey City Lexicon, any renaming may seem like a smeerp; but you have to take into account the function and purpose of the change in a common thing's name to something exotic. I maintain that if the change in name serves a purpose other than adding an exotic tone, it is not a smeerp.

The Uncyclopedia

Ah, just what you needed on a Thursday, right? Another means of avoiding writing!

Well, start off right by clicking this link to Uncyclopedia, the humorous time waster that you can actually edit! Really!

(Oh, and do search for Unbook. That ought to keep you bemusedly occupied for a couple of hours.)

We are all vessels for the Spirit. That's what we touch when we write. There is plenty for everyone. No one is going to write in the same way, just as no two singers will sing in quite the same way. Martha O'Connor

Just found, via the usual means of link clicking, another cool writer's blog by Martha O'Connor, author of The Bitch Posse, which I haven't read but which sounds cool, too. Check out her site!

Blue Tarp Decor

Oh, I thought I'd mention that The Cuteness, on her second course of antibiotics, is still pissing on my bed. Thank god for the blue tarp. I put it on immediately upon getting up at 6:20, ran to take my shower (car pool at 6:50), and came back to my room not five minutes later to find a piddle puddle on the tarp. The wanky beeyatch.

I swear, her fate as a toilet seat cover is looming.

Idea - a strange job for a character

Here's one for you: What if you have a main character who has a uniquely disreputable job...of creating really good fake excuses for criminals? You could call the biz Alibi Inc. or something similar.

There is a new French business, Ibila, which provides excuses for adulters-- fake invites, seminars, calls from work, you name it. And the entrepreneur who founded this company says "her service is aimed at protecting couples and families by allowing adulterers to live their flings undetected." I just love that excuse; I could use that in a book!

Check out this article for the full treatment. News of the Weird, gotta love it.

So how could one use this stub of an idea? Well, in a romance or suspense, the main character might do this. Or in a paranormal, it seems seedy but the rationale is that Alabi, Inc. is really a cover for paranormal activities, such as keeping paranormal folks under the normal radar... Hey, I think I like that one a LOT...

The Write Mind

That's the difference between us Dan. You practice gymnastics and I practice everything. "Peaceful Warrior" the movie

I read Way of the Peaceful Warrior about fifteen years ago and sold my copy before I left California. If you are into the New Age philosophy that we can have an effect on our own reality, it is an interesting read.

Like all of these 'create your own reality' texts, there is also the danger of taking it too far and blaming folks for their problems, ill health, pain. The Secret comes to mind. On the other hand, though, if one can clear the mind of extraneous things, it is possible to accomplish so much.

Or maybe I should just kill my television? Nah, that would make sense...

XKDC comic, a cool site

LOL! XKDC, a very cool site. And this one. And THIS one. There are so many...

What I found tucked in a book...

As the mismatch group grew closer to the elvian castle, they did not realize that a sixth member awaited inside. This members waited inside the room reserved for the warriors who answered the elvan king call. The room, golden in color if not metal...

I purchased a used paperback, Eyeliner of the Gods by Katie Maxwell, and was reading it when out fell this small sheet of paper. Chuckles galore. Just the sort of stuff I wrote when I was a tween. No, actually I wrote much better than that. But still it was purple prose. I'll have to dig some up some time.

So, here's a challenge for you all. Post something you wrote before high school. At least a couple of paragraphs.

I've been meaning to post these for a while. I just got around to downloading the photos off my camera for the porch redo, which we did in June. Anyhow, above is the front porch after I repainted it. I still have the bit of skirting to rip off there and redo...likely next year. And the side porch is below. That will get painted and the deck restained next Summer. (You're supposed to let the pressure treated lumber out gas or dry or something for at least several months.)

So this is the homestead. The black-eyed Susans by the skirting are doing really well. You can just barely see the red Aidirondack chair on the deck. I've got another one that I need to paint, too. As well as the new screen door in the first picture.

Remember kiddies, when people say there is a price to be paid for home ownership-- they aren't kidding. So much money, time and attention on the place. Oy! I should rent! However, I like my house, even if it is a total money pit. I have one of the largest house lots in town, too. Score!

Snippets

We all have them: Snippets of ideas that we set aside and think, "I'll use that someday." I post a number of mine here. Most appear to be useful for setting the stage or as the basis for a secondary or walk on, disposable character. Few ever seem to become Inspiration with a capital I.

Here are a few of mine. Share yours, if you want!

1. FOF (friend of a friend) story: Man drives to the bar every night until he loses his license to a DUI. Ever resourceful (he's a Maine farmer, after all!) he begins driving to the bar using his farm tractor. It can only do 15 m.p.h. but it was legal to drive! (This supposedly took place some years ago. Now, people get arrested for driving drunk while mowing their lawns! And that IS a true story!)
2. FOF (friend's cousin's dad story): Fella reported to have smuggled cows across the border by placing galoshes on the cow's feet. Thus the tracks are human looking and the border patrol officers suspect it's just people. They aren't looking for the cows. (Sounds unlikely, knowing cows. Any critter that can't see it's feet doesn't take kindly to having them in boots!)
3. Unlikely coincidence (FOF): Woman unwittingly dating a mafioso shows up at a party, meets an old childhood friend...who is a well-known crime figure. Said well-known crime figure just so happens to be able to solve the dilemma of 'discouraging' the original mafioso character, who was not going to take the answer, "No."